Cancer does not consume my life. Yes, I think about it daily and often worry about it coming back. But I’m learning it doesn’t rule everything I do. I wrote about it a lot on my old blog and found that was all I was ever writing about. Boring. I wanted to be more than just “the cancer girl” (yes, someone once actually called me that — to my face). And so now, I write about my house remodel and my obsession with Top Chef and Foo Fighters (coming soon).
However…next week is my quarterly appointment with my cancer doctor. And I’m a little bit anxious about it. The aches and pains I feel, are they more than just that? What’s their cause? Is it in my brain? My bones? So these thoughts in the days leading up to my appointment, well, they fucking scare me.
So what do I plan to do about it? Laugh. And now I present my hair dairy for your enjoyment!
|I had already had my first round of chemo by Thanksgiving. I thought I’d be lucky and not lose my hair. But it came out two days after my second round of treatment. In chunks. And it hurt like a mother. Seriously.|
|I absolutely hate this picture. I look sick, especially in the eyes, and that smile is fake as all can be. A girl we were with that night pointed to my hat with questioning eyes and a sad smile. Yes, dumbshit…it’s gone.|
|My cashmere beanie from Nordstrom. Loved it and good thing it was winter, otherwise I would have looked pretty friggin’ stupid otherwise! Ha!|
|I was about a month away from finishing chemo here. I had a little bit of hair starting to grow back but wasn’t brave enough to go scarf-less. Plus, I looked like George Clooney – all salt and pepper. Not so sexy on a chick.|
|I was actually feeling brave but damn, looking back I should have kept wearing the scarf. However, we were at Disneyland and I think I was hoping to pull the whole cancer card to cut in line.|
|The waiter called me “sir” that night at dinner as we celebrated Mother’s Day. Needless to say, his tip sucked.|
|Starting to now look like a new mom who chopped off all her hair. My eyebrows and and eyelashes weren’t all back yet though. And sadly, I wasn’t rocking the awesome Brazilian anymore either, if you know what I mean.|
|Slowly but surely it was coming back.
My husband and I look kind of like twins. Scary.
|This is a real smile.
I was finally seeing No Doubt after ten years.
|Gross chemo curls.
Yes, the hair comes back totally different after chemo.
Mine came back really, really grey (but I had already colored it before this photo was taken) and curly.
|Another Disney trip.
Just think…last time we were there, I looked like the dude behind us.
|It was kind of wavy here but looking a lot less like a cancer patient. And yes, we take our baby to bars. Don’t hate.|
|I finally invested in a few bobby pins and started clipping my bangs back because it was so wavy and I looked like Lyle Lovett.|
|This is the picture where a lot of people say I looked cute with short hair. I mean, it was ok, but I’ll probably never go back to being that short again. Unless more chemo is in my future.|
|This is when I started loving my short hair. A genuine smile.
I had flat ironed all those waves and was happy with how it looked! So much I took a photo of myself. Lame.
|Pretty much a normal hair day but I was still in the habit of clipping my bangs back. I’m sure my friends were sick of seeing my huge forehead by now.|
|Last September, my newspaper debut in the Orange County Register. They featured survivors in the area.
I was a centerfold!