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Should I Listen? - Wendy Will Blog
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Should I Listen?

July 30, 2011

Do you guys watch Oprah’s new network?  I do, occasionally.  Her personal episode of Master Class was excellent and I was so taken by her story of listening to instincts.  She said:

“I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like ‘hmm, that’s odd.’ Or, ‘hmm, that doesn’t make any sense.’ Or, ‘hmm, is that right?’ It’s that subtle. And if you don’t pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it’s like getting thumped upside the head. If you don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head. You don’t pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people’s lives. And so, I ask people, ‘What are the whispers? What’s whispering to you now?'” — Oprah

Thank goodness, I listened to my instincts in 2008.  But lately, I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot of whispers that maybe I should be paying closer attention to.  It started months ago with an achy side.  I talked to Doc (my chiropractor) about it and he thought it had to do with my crappy posture.  But, it’s gotten a lot worse in the last few weeks.  And I’m frustrated because I can’t pinpoint exactly where the pain is coming from.

At my quarterly appointment with the Onc (my oncologist) she surprisingly agreed to a CAT scan.  She thought maybe the pain was originating from my belly or intestines.  The scan found: lung bases, liver, gallbladder, spleen, pancreas, adrenals, kidneys, bowel, lymph nodes, bladder, uterus, and pelvis bones were all “unremarkable.”  Phew.

But my side still hurts.  I don’t have answers.  And I’ve been procrastinating on calling the Onc and/or the GP (General Practice doctor) to follow up.  I keep telling myself “after BlogHer.”  Why am I waiting?

I’m pretty certain something is trying to smack me upside the head.  Today, FOUR separate “whispers” came my way.  Two in the way of callers on a certain internet podcast I regularly listen to, the death of doctor, author, and two time cancer-survivor David Servan-Schreiber and finally, Susan at Toddler Planet found out she has mets in her ribs, spine, legs, and torso.

I was particularly struck by Susan’s recent recurrence because her pain description is eerily similar to mine.  She thought she might have had a broken rib and finally after a CAT and PET scan her doctors confirmed it was cancer.  And now she’s off doing chemo, again, for like the third or fourth time.  

And I’m here fearing that this pain and these whispers are something to be more worried about.

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