I get why everyone loves it because I used to love it too.
As a kid, I was the one who looked forward to going back to school – and ONLY because I had hopes the new year would be somehow different than the previous. I secretly also wanted my friends and I to break into song out on the school steps wearing our pink jackets and black sunglasses a la “Grease 2.” I was such a dork.
As an adult, I adored the glowing sunlight on a late September afternoon. I had always loved Halloween too, so I took great pride in decorating our home for the occasion – even before we had a child. And speaking of, I REALLY wanted to have an October baby so that I could throw a ghoulish-themed birthday party like one I had seen in the movie “Hanging Up.”
My love affair with Fall ended though in 2008 when I was diagnosed.
I was completely blindsided and it crushed my well laid plans. That year was our baby’s year of “firsts” – Halloween (and no, I didn’t get an October baby but instead a January baby and we have rain on her birthday instead of falling leaves – but I digress), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Those “firsts” went on as planned but it was definitely not what I had dreamt them up to be.
And here three years later, Labor Day behind us, and headed back into the season that changed me. It stirs up feelings I would rather just forget. I can’t help but look at the calendar and see October 15 as the day I was diagnosed, or October 23 as the day I had a 5 cm cancerous tumor removed from my left breast, or November 20 as the day nurse Rita injected two different chemotherapy drugs into my veins.
I hate that I haven’t been able to move on or forget just a little.
I desperately want to crawl under my blankets on those anniversaries but doesn’t that mean that cancer wins a little bit? I can’t allow that. So, this year I will look forward to the Fall like I used to. I will unpack those cute decorations, I will throw a ghoulish Halloween party for the little one, I will bask in the afternoon sun, and maybe I’ll even watch “Grease 2” for old time’s sake!